New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
