my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I could make wine with my vomit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
