quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
