I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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