It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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