at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
