Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
