Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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