why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
