Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
