Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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