thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
