I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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