i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
