glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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