My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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