You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
