we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ttyl tear gas
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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