I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
