If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
