there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
