So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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