Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
