I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
