sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
