I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
