Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
only if we run a train.
done.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
