is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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