WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
