She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
