there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
