well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
