Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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