The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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