Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
