I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
