So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
