Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
