I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
