I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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