my shit smells like andre
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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