FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
