matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
