And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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