I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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