We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
