He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
