i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
