You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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