I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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