My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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