I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize