Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
