I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
