he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
