i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
