The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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