i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
