I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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