I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
did you just send me my own nude
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
