is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
