She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
