You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
