dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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