Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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