How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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