the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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