You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize