Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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