I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
