Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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