As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
