your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
