you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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